Zombie

(Ollie's Office)

OLLIE:La donna è mobile
Qual piuma al vento,
Muta d'accento — e di pensiero.
Sempre un amabile,
Leggiadro viso,
In pianto o in riso, — è menzognero.
Refrain
La donna è mobil
qual piuma al vento
Muta d'accento e di pensier!
e di pensier!
e di pensier!
È sempre misero
Chi a lei s'affida,
Chi le confida — mal cauto il cuore!
Pur mai non sentesi
Felice appieno
Chi su quel seno — non liba amore!
Refrain
La donna è mobil
qual piuma al vento,
Muta d'accento e di pensier!
e di pensier!
e di pensier!
(DRAKE walks in)
DRAKE: I didn't know you spoke french, (OLLIE shakes his head) Greek?... Japanese?...
OLLIE: *sigh*Italian.
DRAKE: Oh.
OLLIE: Why are you 'ere.
DRAKE: I had a vision! (OLLIE picks up a wooden crucifix)
OLLIE: Get out of my Office!
DRAKE: No, really. Put that thing away. (OLLIE does) By Five o' clock this evening there will be five thousand zombies in Texas alone.
OLLIE: Do you know what this means?
DRAKE: No!
OLLIE: Get Skul.Do you know what that means?
DRAKE: No!
OLLIE: We're going to Bangkok. Do you know what this means?
DRAKE: No!
OLLIE: We get to sing a song.
(Bangkok: OLLIE, and DRAKE are 'Slow walking')

OLLIE: Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don't know that the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner
Time flies -- doesn't seem a minute
Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boys in it
All change -- don't you know that when you
Play at this level there's no ordinary venue
It's Iceland --
DRAKE:or the Philippines -- or Hastings -- or -- or this place!

BOTH:One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
And if you're lucky then the god's a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
OLLIE:One town's very like another
When your head's down over your pieces, brother
DRAKE:It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
To be looking at the board, not looking at the city
OLLIE:Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town --
DRAKE:Tea, girls, warm, sweet
Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite
OLLIE:Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine
BOTH:One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me
OLLIE:Siam's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness
This grips me more than would a
Muddy old river or reclining Buddha
And thank God I'm only watching the game -- controlling it --
DRAKE:I don't see you guys rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating
OLLIE:I'd let you watch,
DRAKE:I would invite you
BOTH:But the queens we use would not excite you
OLLIE:So you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlours
DRAKE: One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
BOTH:One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me.

(OLLIE, DRAKE, and SKUL are walking down Transylvania Street)
SKUL: This is the place?(GRACIE walks up to them, unnoticed)
GRACIE: Yes (Kisses OLLIE)
DRAKE: How'd you get here?
OLLIE: Oy thought you where in Transylvania.
GRACIE: Transylvania Street!(OLLIE and GRACIE start making out)
SKUL: Something stupid had to happen.
DRAKE: Well we could-
SKUL: No!

(Dr. Plaid's house: PLAID, and ROSIE are having a cup of tea)(OLLIE, GRACIE, DRAKE, and SKUL walk in)
ROSIE: Ollie, you missed tea time.
OLLIE: Mum?
DRAKE: She's your mom?
ROSIE(to DRAKE): Your that vampire, who tried to bite me!
OLLIE: Anyway, Gracie this is my Grandfather, Dr. Plum. 'e's the onlay Zombie expert in the world.
PLAID: What can I do ya for, me boy?
OLLIE: Drake(Points) 'ad a vision about zombies.
PLAID: So?
OLLIE: Is it posible?
SKUL: Is that the only reason we came here?
PLAID(to SKUL): Yes (to OLLIE:) Yes.
DRAKE: So I'm not crazy!
SKUL: Yes you are.
(ABBY [as a zombie] walks i1n)
OLLIE: Oh my Goodness! (ABBY pulls out a knife)(OLLIE screams)
SKUL: Get down! (Shoots ABBY five times)
OLLIE: It’s a twofer!
ROSIE: Shut up.
OLLIE: Yes, mummy.

(Operation room: ABBY is strapped to the table, REY is ready to Operate, and OLLIE is standing)
OLLIE: Break a leg!
REY: You know I’m not acting, Right?
OLLIE: Rey, Oy was talking to Abigail. (ABBY laughs) If at all possible, kill ‘er (DRAKE walks in) REY (p.o.-ed): Can I just operate here!
OLLIE: No. (DRAKE drags OLLIE out the door)


(Outside Oporation room: DRAKE and OLLIE are waiting)(ABBY limps out)
ABBY: He he he! He didn't kill me!

(Ollie's Office)(DRAKE walks in)

DRAKE: Gracie left.
OLLIE: Oy know, she told me
ABBY(form outside): It turned blue!(ABBY runs in)
OLLIE: So you're pregnant?
ABBY: How'd you now?
DRAKE: You were yelling "It turned blue!" at the top of you're lungs.
ABBY: Really?
OLLIE (nodding): Yes
DRAKE: Duh!

(Rey's Office: ABBY is having her stomach scanned)

REY: It's a zombie.
ABBY: Oh crap.

(Ollie's office: OLLIE is drinking)

OLLIE(Spinning around in chair):Oy don't need people in my life! I'm perfectly fine!(ABBY walks in) Gracie? Oh it's you.
ABBY: My baby's a zombie
OLLIE: And Oy can't enjoy your misery, because my girlfreind's a vampire.
BOTH: *sigh*(DRAKE walks in)
DRAKE: I had another vision!
OLLIE/ABBY: No!(they drag DRAKE out)
OLLIE(to ABBY): Get out! (she does)